I would like to believe that Chris and I have maintained a considerably healthy relationship. I mean we're not perfect, nobody is. We've had our differences and arguments and 'tampuhan' but in our 4 years together as husband and wife, it was pretty much great. Of course, there will always be a season of petty arguments like where to eat -- he asks me and I suggest but in the end he decides or vice versa. What to do or where to go for the weekend. I love traveling, he's half-traveler, half-homebody. I prefer going out even just to malls, he prefers to stay at home and watch TV. He prefers cuddling, I prefer to have some space when sleeping. I like to move a lot, he wants to just lounge and do nothing. He prefers cold places, I prefer beaches. He is traditional when it comes to disciplining our son, I am more like modern if there is such a thing. He loves to exercise, I am too lazy for that. There are also the issue of time. He usually starts early to prepare but I usually finish first that by the time he is finished, I am all sweaty and restless. I would like to believe that it's normal. That in every marriage, there usually are trials, challenges and differences, but at the end of the day, you both decide where your relationship will go. Move forward or leap backward.
To tell you the truth, we married late. I mean we got married when we were already in our early 30s. So I was thinking before, that two mature individuals should not have any problems dealing with each other right? What with the experience and the age and the wisdom. But boy I was so wrong. Regardless of how young or old you are, you pass into these stages with conviction. The intensity may vary but you still pass this tunnel along the way.
You may have experienced those times when you felt that he is not doing enough or you're not doing enough or he is taking you for granted or you are taking him for granted or things are so different now that you were married compared to those when you were still dating. Those things that do not bother you before now becomes a constant cause of irritation like not washing the dishes as soon as he's done eating, leaving the used clothes in the C.R, delaying everything you asked of him to do like throwing the trash or changing the bulb. These small things that used to be so small before are magnified now more than ever.
As I've said, there is no perfect marriage but if we look closely and pay attention to the small things that he does and that you do for each other, you will realize how blessed you still are. Let this be a reminder that no matter how hectic or busy life can be or how long and hard our problems seem to be, find the time to be together.
1. Saying "I love you" every time you call or part ways. This has been our practice even before we got married. We never let a simple phone call ends without saying those magic words. Even when texting or parting ways or even when we are disappointed with each other. It does not mean that you trivialize the disappointments or the arguments, it just means that despite the differences, you still love that person and that you care enough to patch things up. Not today but perhaps tomorrow.
2. Not letting a day pass without kissing. We kiss when we wake up, when he leaves for work or when we part ways to go to our respective offices. We kiss when we say good bye, we kiss when we see each other after a long day at the office. We kiss before we drive to go home. We kiss before we sleep. We kiss every opportunity we get. We kiss without fail. We don't let a day pass without kissing. Even without talking, it's a subtle way of saying that I am here, I care about you and everything will be ok as long as we are together.
3. Flirt with each other. This I say of course in moderation. He kisses me on the forehead or head when we are waiting in line or waiting for something or someone. We hold hands in public, we hug when we are too bored waiting for the line to move. We say sweet nothings or tease each other during long trips. We make it a point to touch, hold or hug. This makes everything bearable and it gives us reassurance that we are here for each other.
4. Eat, drink and laugh together. We both love to cook and eat as well. We experiment, we check out different restaurants and we make it a point to dine in together every week sometimes everyday. This gives us the opportunity to really talk or to pause for a while. We also like to critic the food and sometimes we rate them and try to recreate it. This is therapeutic for us as we both love doing these things. It softens a long and tiring and challenging day and it puts things in perspectives.
5. Fight fair, never bring up the past and never call each other names. There will come a time in your relationship that you will have that 'argument' where you can't understand each other and when everything you say just put you deeper into the situation. It just seems everything doesn't make sense and the argument just becomes too intense. It happens even to the best couples in the world I would like to assume. But what we try to do is we always keep in mind that this too shall pass so everything we say must never be hurtful as to compromise the relationship. There is always respect and mutual understanding that at the end of the argument, we are husband and wife who love each other and vowed to be together no matter what.
6. Travel together. We love traveling together. Every year and budget permits, we make it a point to travel to two local trips and one international trip. We set aside traveling time as a couple, together with extended families or together with our son. It gives us something to look forward to and it gives us time to share in the happiness of discovering new places and new things to see. Sometimes it also repairs some of our "tampuhan" moment because we talk about it in context and calmly and we evaluate our relationships differently. The bonding also becomes solid as we experience some of the things for the first time together.
7. Pray and sleep together. At the end of the day, the most important thing is that you made it together. With God's guidance and provisions, you are well and all your loved ones are doing good. We usually ask our son to lead the prayer. Although he is just two years old, we have encouraged and taught him to pray to Papa J. Simple prayers of thanksgiving, praise and love that whatever comes our way, we will have the courage to face it, the strength to carry on and the faith to move forward. Praying together solidifies your bond as a family and sleeping together gives you the peace of mind to go on another day with hope. It makes sense also to pray for him even when you're mad or you're having the toughest argument.
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