Fears of a new mom

I read from the news that Spongebob, a well loved cartoon character can cause short-term attention and learning problems in 4-year olds. Prior to that, there was the issue of lead paint in toys which can damage brain cells in infants, then there was the news of tainted milk powder that killed babies and left thousands suffering from kidney stones in China, not counting the major component of mosquito repellants deet which may help prevent dengue is indeed harmful to infants less than 6 months old.

Imagine if I miss those relevant information, what would people say to me as a mom. And imagine if I let my baby play with that lead-infested toy, where would that put me as a mother and more importantly, what will happen to my baby. These and more are the things that moms nowadays faced and these are what worry me more and more each day. You can only do so much and what if while hugging your baby, you failed to notice that one bit of information about the major cause of sudden infant death syndrome.

When I found out I’m pregnant, I was ecstatic and thrilled to the bones. First I now have a legacy after living and loving. I can now pay back my parents for being good to me, to us their children. I can now exercise my maternal instincts and share the overflowing love I have in my heart. I can now hold my flesh and blood and spread the good genes I have. I can now pass on the values and principles my parents imparted to me. I can now fully embrace life by sharing it with a little kid and hoping he’ll have a happy childhood so that he’ll grow up to be a responsible, God-fearing citizen of the world. I can teach a new soul to be on the side of good versus evil.

But as I’ve said, it pains me sometimes that I cannot be everything to my baby boy. I can only perform one role at a time and trust that I played it well at just the right time.

Last night, I found out that one of the babies in our condo has dengue. She had it unofficially from playing in the playground where my baby boy always stays every morning to get that much needed sunshine. Did I ask my yaya to stop going there with my baby. That would be like depriving him of vitamin D and all the benefits he can derive from that. If I treat every toy as a potential threat toy to my baby’s health then I would rob him of a normal childhood short of the joy of playing with colorful and dazzling toys. And devoid of these toys, he might not be able to reach his full potentials later in life.

Today I have crossed that line of not questioning myself anymore as a mom. We all want what’s best for our children and I’m no different from the other moms who would do anything for their child. I have made my peace that no matter what you do, there will always have that nagging thought at the back of your mind that you might be doing something wrong. But as long as you know in your heart that your intention is pure and good and you only have the best interest at heart then mistakes will be forgivable and you can sleep peacefully at night with your baby safely tucked in beside you.